He works the carrot out and stashes the slippery, filthy thing in the dirty clothes under his bed.Īfter dinner, he goes to find the carrot and it’s gone. Then this kid, his mom yells it’s suppertime. He slathers it with grease and grinds his ass down on it. Like he’s going home to stick a carrot cake up his butt.Īt home, he whittles the carrot into a blunt tool. So, my friend, he buys milk and eggs and sugar and a carrot, all the ingredients for a carrot cake. Everyone seeing the big evening he has planned. All the shoppers waiting in line, watching. Then he pictures how it’s going to look at the supermarket checkstand, the lonely carrot and petroleum jelly rolling down the conveyor belt toward the grocery-store cashier. He goes out to buy a carrot and some petroleum jelly. He’s always jonesing for a better way to get his rocks off. At that age, this friend’s a little sex maniac. Stimulate the prostate gland hard enough, and the rumor is you can have explosive hands-free orgasms. So listen as fast as you can.Ī friend of mine, when he was thirteen years old he heard about “pegging.” This is when a guy gets banged up the butt with a dildo. This story should last about as long as you can hold your breath, and then just a little bit longer. Excerpt from “Haunted” by Chuck Palahniuk
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